Category Archives: Daily Buddhism

Daily Buddhism, Meditation

Buddhist Parenting and Discipline

20 Comments

posnoQuestion

Hi, I just wanted to say how much I enjoy the Daily Buddhism. I have recently taken my dedication to Buddhism seriously. But sadly, I am having a hard time bringing it to my parenting particularly with discipline. I can hug, hold, listen etc. with 100% of my being but I am still struggling with disciplining my children in a “KIND” way. I was wondering if you could help me with this?

Any info would be of great help.

Answer

First, let me point out that I am not a parent, so this is an entirely unqualified opinion on the subject– take all that follows with a skeptical grain of salt.

I’m not a parent, but do babysit my niece and nephew fairly often. My niece is calm and quiet and she hangs on my every word, eager to please. My nephew, however, lives in his own little world, quite often babbling so much that even he doesn’t know what he’s saying or doing; it’s very hard to get his attention sometimes without yelling. I often feel bad about yelling, even though I know full well that there’s no other way to get his attention. I’d never dream of hitting him, but I often feel bad about just raising my voice. I can certainly imagine what it must be like dealing with this kind of thing on a daily basis.

tantrumsDiscipline has its place, but you already know that. The problem is that with discipline of any kind, the child cries, pouts, or otherwise displays ‚Äúhurt.‚Äù We feel bad because we have ‚Äúhurt‚Äù the child. I don’t mean physical hurting, I mean displeasure at not getting their way or maybe shame/guilt at being reprimanded. Yet, even with something like a time-out, standing in the corner, or losing a toy for the day, the crying begins.

mother-child-discipline-smallIs that a bad thing? You are in fact creating suffering for the child. Surely that cannot be a good thing. On the other hand, think of the alternative to proper discipline. We’ve all been in stores and seen someone else’s little monsters acting up while their parents ignore them; we comment that ‚Äúmy child would never act like that.‚Äù Why wouldn’t your children act like that? Discipline. Eventually, children learn social rules and will behave appropriately on their own, but is that the case for very young children? No. Children are in many ways, “primitive.” They understand fear. Fear of what disobeying means. Fear (and in a Buddhist sense, suffering) can be a valuable learning tool. We learn not to do those things which cause suffering.

Again, I am one of those pacifist people who absolutely advocates not hitting, beating, slapping, or anything like that, but I do believe that children need to fear discipline, or they have no reason to obey. I’m talking about young children, maybe ages 3-7. Beyond that point, they should be able to behave on their own, but even then, they are about to make the occasional mistake. Although terrorizing your children isn’t going to be productive, a bit of healthy fear (maybe respect is a better word) is going to help them learn, and is, in the long run, a good thing.

You state in your question that you want to do ‚Äúkind‚Äù discipline, which I am interpreting to be ‚Äúdiscipline without the tears.‚Äù I’m not sure that there is such a thing. Discipline is always going to go against the child’s wishes, and that’s always going to result in tears and “suffering.”

I hope that some kind reader who is also a parent will chime in here and offer some advice from experience!
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Book: Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0786883146/?tag=askdrarca-20

Book: Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1741140102/?tag=askdrarca-20
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Daily Buddhism

Poem: Crowned Compassion, by Zayra Yves

Time for another guest author. This time we have a great short poem by Zayra Yves. Zayra’s creative writing is published in numerous print journals, anthologies, on-line e-zines and magazines. She has two audio collections, Crowned Compassion and Sleep in the Sea Tonight with Me. In addition, two books of her poetry are published: Empty as Nirvana and Ordinary Substance. Currently she is releasing on her third audio collection, while working on a new poetry book, a short story and a fine art collection.

CROWNED COMPASSION

Zayra Yves
Zayra Yves

By Zayra Yves

I rise on this plateau from another world,
from the world beyond, from the roots of virtue
and noble intention. I rise from a prayer
part land, part stone, part divine imagination and clay.

I am carved from the human life here in this world,
from hands that have known sorrow, innocence, loss,
from hands that have known drunkenness and love lust.

I am formed simultaneous as all movement, motion, aware:
born as a Bodhisattva, as a friend, as the Eternal Mother,
as embodiment of attributes both strong and slender.

I grow from the roots of non-attachment as Bodhicitta,
as the relief from torment and suffering I grow up
out of the dirt, mud, rock toward the sun, rain, sky.

I evolve as porcelain insight, blue as the universe
unfolding brilliant white, glowing constellation
star by star, blossoming consciousness petal by petal,
crystal as the lotus from the pure land I emerge.

Copyright 2006 by Zayra Yves

Visit Zayra Yves’ main website at: http://www.zayrayves.com
For more information send an email to: zayra.yves@gmail.com.
Or order her CDs from CDBaby: http://cdbaby.com/cd/zayrayves3

Daily Buddhism, Koans

Koan: The First Principle

"Buddha" by Kosen
"Buddha" by Kosen

When one goes to Obaku temple in Kyoto he sees carved over the gate the words “The First Principle”. The letters are unusually large, and those who appreciate calligraphy always admire them as being a mastepiece. They were drawn by Kosen two hundred years ago.

When the master drew them he did so on paper, from which the workmen made the large carving in wood. As Kosen sketched the letters a bold pupil was with him who had made several gallons of ink for the calligraphy and who never failed to criticise his master’s work.

“That is not good,” he told Kosen after his first effort.

“How is this one?”

“Poor. Worse than before,” pronounced the pupil.

Kosen patiently wrote one sheet after another until eighty-four First Principles had accumulated, still without the approval of the pupil.

Then when the young man stepped outside for a few moments, Kosen thought: “Now this is my chance to escape his keen eye,” and he wrote hurriedly, with a mind free from distraction: “The First Principle.”

“A masterpiece,” pronounced the pupil.

Daily Buddhism

I, Cannibal: Horror and Buddhism

15 Comments

Question:

About a year ago, I become interested in Buddhism, mainly as a philosophy. I still stand by this philosophical stand point, but I still have questions.

Maybe the Bloodiest Movie Ever!
Maybe the Bloodiest Movie Ever!

You see, when people ask me what my religion is, I generally just say “I’m an atheist, but I share some Buddhist beliefs also”. Now generally after saying this I quickly get such responses as “But you listen to metal!” or even “But you watch really violent and gory movies!” and this apparently makes me a bad person. It’s true though, I’m a fan of the more extreme side of music, with stuff like Death metal, Black metal, and Grindcore. This isn’t certainly the only music I listen too, and the same goes with movies.

I enjoy my share of violent movies such as Zombie, Cannibal, and exploitation films. Because of this, people tell me that I’m a bad Buddhist, after which I usually ask why. They will go on about how it makes you violent, dangerous, and over all mean person. But I’m the exact opposite, I’m a very happy and easy person to get along with. So enough of this, but I’m wondering for someone else opinion. If such movies and music are having no negative effects on my behavior, actions, or even thoughts towards harming others. Is it really bad? I’ve always heard it’s good to perceive the world as it really is, and the world isn’t always happy and full of sunshine.

Answer:

Not often, but once in a while I get a question where I chuckle the entire time time I’m writing the answer.

I had to laugh when your email came in, because I had just finished watching the first two “Saw” movies only minutes before. I am a major fan of horror films, always have been and probably always will be. Generally, I prefer the less gory ones from the 50’s and 60’s, but I like a good modern “bloodbath” film once in a while (Romero and Fulci’s zombie movies are great!). I’m going to talk about movies from here on, but the same goes for music and videogames.

There are two conflicting ideas here: That Buddhists are pacifistic nonviolent people, and horror movies depict murder, torture, sadism, as well as gratuitous blood and gore. The real question is whether or not these two ideas are incompatible.

Here are my thoughts on the subject; feel free to add your own comments.

1) Do you believe that horror films and loud music (video games too!) cause violence? There is research that goes both ways, but most of it has been done on impressionable children, and even then, it’s an arguable point. You don’t sound like a child, so I also assume you are a grown-up who has learned the difference between right and wrong, fantasy and reality, film and life. Children may not always have that ability, but you do.

Meditation on a... Nah.
Meditation on a... Nah.

2) You like zombie and cannibal movies. I’m guessing you aren’t a cannibal. Do you fantasize about eating people? I suspect not; if I’m wrong about that, keep it to yourself. If you don’t do the actions or think about doing them, whats the harm in watching them? Horror movies are a release from the tensions and fears of real life, which, in their own way, reduces suffering. As I write this, I am reminded of “A Sensitive Topic” from last week, and I suppose the two situations do have their similarities.

3) Buddhism is very much about stripping away illusions that we carry around with us. You know that these movies aren’t real, and if anything, Buddhism should help reinforce that idea. Not only aren’t the movies real, in many ways, your normal life isn’t what you think it is, either.

4) This might be stretching things a bit, but we have talked here before about the practice of “meditating on a corpse,” where a meditator concentrates and imagines various stages of death. I think the “in your face” approach to death that movies show may not offer the same benefits, but there’s probably an argument in that idea somewhere; experience with death reduces fear of death.

5) What you are REALLY dealing with here are other people’s preconceived notions about what a Buddhist SHOULD be like. Use the opportunity to “enlighten” them about what Buddhists believe and why you are a “real one.” Never turn down an opportunity to teach others.

There may or may not be more productive uses for your (and my) time, but that’s not really a topic for right now.

Daily Buddhism

A Sensitive Topic

33 Comments

Disclaimer: A Sexual topic follows. Please don’t read further if you are likely to be offended or think the topic is inappropriate. I debated the appropriateness of the topic, and came to the conclusion that others are probably wondering the same thing. So here goes:

Question:

I am a male who wishes to kick a long habit of masturbation. My efforts have resulted in cutting down from daily to weekly. Still, the habit continues. I find I am most vulnerable to fall into the act when my I am not fully conscious, i.e. when I am going to sleep or upon waking up.

What would you suggest to prevent my thoughts from becoming lustful and for kicking my undesirable habit altogether.

Answer:

I am going to start off by asking you why is it undesirable? Believe it or not, Buddhism doesn’t condemn masturbation, unless you’re a monk, which I doubt is the case.

The physical aspect of masturbation is harmless. That being said, that may not be the case where karma is concerned. Desire (more specifically in this case, lust), as the Four Noble Truths tell us, leads to suffering. A Buddhist’s main desire is to eliminate suffering.

This is a very debatable topic, and I hope someone will address it in the comment section below, but in my opinion, the real question is what goes on in your mind while you’re doing it. If you can do it without lust, then my Buddhist answer would be to go ahead with it.

Actually, the way you word your question, I wonder if it might not fall into line with some of the “addiction” treatments out there. Addictions are a very harmful form of attachment, which Buddhists are very much against. Perhaps a look at the 12-Step Buddhist site covered last week would help. http://www.the12stepbuddhist.com There are undoubtedly many sexual addiction websites out there as well.

Couldn't resist just ONE joke
Couldn't resist just ONE joke

As far as breaking the habit is concerned (if you still want to break the habit), I don’t really have any advice that can’t be found elsewhere, and if I tried to make something up, it would just sound silly.

I guess the most important advice I can give is that as long as you can control the lust or try to eliminate it while masturbating, there really isn’t anything terribly wrong with doing it.

I’m not sure if this answer is adequate, so let me know if there is any more I can clarify or add. I absolutely invite comments on this post, as I am sure this is a much-debated topic.

Daily Buddhism

Real World Vs. Cushion Buddhism Part 1

1 Comment

It’s time for another guest poster. This week we have a two-parter from JJ Simon. He pretty much introduces himself his story, so I’ll move right to it:

My name is JJ Simon. I have been on a spiritual journey since 1988. This journey has included study and practice in the 12 steps, Christian science of the mind, the Work of P.D. Ospenski, G.I. Gurdjieff, Maurice Nichol, Emmet Fox and James Allen. My search for a path that I truly could relate to ended when I met a student of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche a Tibetan meditation master. I began studying Buddhism and practicing Sitting meditation. I took refuge (The formal process of becoming a Buddhist) in 1994. I have been sitting and studying ever since.

In the movie “The Razors Edge” the main character “Larry” tells his teacher that he has decided to leave his Himalayan meditation retreat with this phrase “It’s easy to be a holy man on the top of a mountain.” The opposite of this couldn’t be truer for those of us who have decided that it is in our best interest to become Buddhists. It is not easy to be a holy person in the real world. That is why we practice.

In every “how to” Meditation book there will be a suggestion that we cultivate a daily practice. When I took meditation instruction at centers and during retreat there was always an emphasis on taking your practice into the world. It took me over 10 years to have an experience of what this means. When we sit we are training our capacity to pay attention and observe both our internal and external reality. This observation is gentle and non-judgmental, it is precise and gradually penetrative, allowing us to have a deeper connection and experience of ourselves and our world; but having done that work on the cushion we still have to live our lives. We have to deal with disappointment, desire, lust, greed, anger, jealousy, love, kindness, hope, patience, death, suffering and fear. We have to carry on relationships with friends. loved ones, co-workers, bosses, children, animals, and strangers. The big question from the first minute you get off your cushion is how do we do this.

Chogyam Trungpa had several phrases like “Having a kitchen sink relationship with ones experience” or “Making a proper cup of tea” or “Returning to square one”. All of these ideas are reminders to take the experience of attention and bring it into our lives. When I make coffee I try to have a complete experience of making coffee. I work to break the habit of being on auto pilot by applying attention to each detail of making a cup of coffee. I pick up the cup and feel the texture of it, grab the milk container and experience the coldness of it. Listen to the pour and smell the coffee. Feel the weight of it in my hands as I raise it to my lips. Taste it and look inside my self to see what my emotional experience is. Even if it’s indifference; I am connecting to my reality. I am observing my experience and coming back to square one by making a proper cup of coffee. We drift in and out of this mindfulness every day. The point is not to be critical of oneself but to come back again and again to life, to our experience in this moment. This is the kitchen sink, sometimes the dishes are done and sometimes we have to do the dishes. This is where we practice the path.

We come to this path because we are suffering. Even the Buddha came to the path because he was afraid of old age, suffering and death. He was afraid for himself and for others and he was moved by compassion to find a solution. We too are moved to find a solution to our suffering. When we come off of the meditation cushion and we have had a nice peaceful sit. We want to take that peace into the world but that is not the way life is. The point of being able to focus ones attention is to be present while being uncomfortable. Both serenity and discomfort are temporary experiences, but we seek comfort and security over real experience.

This comfort seeking perpetuates discomfort by reinforcing habits that cause us to grasp at what we want, push away what we don’t like and ignore the rest of reality. Life provides us with perfect opportunities to practice being present and observe those habits. Whenever we are uncomfortable this is a cue to practice what we do on the cushion. Pay attention! For instance we get frustrated because the cat puked on the rug in the middle of the night and we stepped in it in the dark. Our mindfulness slides away and we are left distracted and grossed out. We have missed an opportunity to practice. To be present, and have the experience of disgust or anger is taking attention out of the meditation hall and applying it in real time. Every time we are able to come back and be attentive of this moment we are making progress towards breaking the habitual cycles that keep us suffering. These habitual cycles manifest as all kinds of thoughts and emotions that influence behavior and cause continual problems because we are on auto pilot and not directly engaged with our lives. Our lives are our paths. Your life is your path it is perfectly suited for you.

To Be Concluded Tomorrow.

JJ Simon has 2 websites: One is his business http://www.explosivetattoosouth.com and the other is The Martial Arts Learning Community that he directs: http://www.themalc.org

Daily Buddhism

Real World Vs. Cushion Buddhism Part 2

1 Comment

Continuing from yesterday’s guest post, here is more from JJ Simon:

In Buddhism there are many practices for cutting away habitual responses and connecting to our existence. There are practices for relating to impermanence, egolessness, humility, loving kindness, compassion and emptiness. Here are a few that I use in my life to help me connect to my reality and work with my habits. In Tibet and India Meditators would go to Charnel grounds (places where bodies were broken apart for funerals) to meditate on impermanence. Pema Chodron has said the closest thing to that in the modern world would be a hospital. Since we can’t go and meditate in the middle of the emergency room I came up with a practice from a natural reminder. Road kill! When I see road kill it brings me back to attention. I say a prayer for the being and I remind myself that I too am going to die. My fate is no different and even the causes could be the same. I see my body dissolving to dust and I let it go. I do this for a few minutes. My world has provided me an opportunity to be present. To practice contemplating my own impermanence and to work with my fear of death.

I own 2 cats and 2 dogs. At times they can be annoying. I have a cat that likes only me and it pesters me for attention. My habit is to give it a little pet and then push it away and go about my business. One day I started paying attention to just petting the cat. I took my attention from the cushion and I used it to experience the cat, its fur and the way it moved when I pet it.jj_simon Then I began to reflect on the idea that this was an opportunity to be kind. The cat was providing me an opportunity to experience love and kindness and to work with my habits of impatience and lack of tolerance. I pet the cat…..I pay attention…..I send a thought of thanks to the cat for providing me with the opportunity to be consciously kind……I pay attention to my emotions…..I pet the cat. I begin to make this a practice. Soon it had spilled over into my personal relationships. I would be sitting with a friend and something would bring me back to attention. I would acknowledge the opportunity to be kind, to engage in a friendship. I would send a thought of thanks to my friend or my wife. My world has provided me with an opportunity that allows me to practice Attention, Loving Kindness, Gratitude, and Patience by simply petting a cat. If I did this on auto pilot like I have done through out my life there would be no connection. Instead I took the practice of Attention off of the cushion where I learned it and I applied it to my reality. The reality that is happening all the time and I’m given a blessing by a small annoying cat!

In the end, the questions of enlightenment, Holiness, and Spiritual Perfection are best left to the experts. Even I f I was blessed by every Guru in the world it would still be up to me to do the work. So we should work to make our life our practice. Take teachings when we can. Build our meditation up from short periods to daily practice and then long term practice; but none of it will do anything if we can’t bring it in to our world and be a holy person at the bottom of the mountain.
Good luck and remember train smart.

JJ Simon has 2 websites. One is his business http://www.explosivetattoosouth.com and the other is The Martial Arts Learning Community that he directs: http://www.themalc.org

Announcements, Daily Buddhism

A Heroic Resolution for the New Year

1 Comment

Once again, I wish each of you a Happy and Healthy New Year. I appreciate your readership over the past year, and this year, I hope to continue along the same path here at the Daily Buddhism. I don’t have any major changes planned; things should continue as they have been.

Yet, I want to do more.

I know my blogs, especially the Daily Buddhism, have been a real help to some people. Teaching the path of Buddhism relieves suffering for many of you, and it’s wonderful that I can help in that way. Still, I’d like to be doing something on a bigger scale, with people who really need help. How can I help reduce suffering in the world?

With my financial situation, anything involving money is out of the question, but one thing I do have is a large and growing number of readers and listeners. I want to use my blogging skills and listener/reader base to do some good for people who are doing good. I can ‚Äúgive‚Äù publicity to those who need it, and that’s exactly what I am going to do this year.

Take a look at http://www.herobulletin.com

There’s not much there yet, I only set up the site this past weekend. But as you can see, the plan is to feature individuals who are making a positive difference in the world. With any luck, as the site grows, some of those Heroes may gain new donors, or volunteers, or whatever it is they need.

Why am I telling you all this?

As Buddhists, it is our goal and our duty to relieve suffering in the world. This is my new project, but I would suggest each of you decide if there is something you can do to make the world a better place and help end suffering in some way, even if only in your own neighborhood or workplace. Meditation is nice, and an important part of Buddhism, but actions matter just as much.

If you know of someone who is already working hard to make a difference, nominate them to be featured on the new site. They deserve the recognition, and they’ll sure appreciate any support that flows their way. I can come up with a few starter Heroes to feature on the site, but I’m going to need names and suggestions fairly quickly.

Be a hero by nominating one today.

http://www.herobulletin.com

Sign up for the newsletter there if you would like to get updates by email. I don’t know the frequency of updates yet, but I doubt it will be more than one a day, certainly less in the beginning.

Daily Buddhism

Kindness in Daily Living

3 Comments

As with last week, we have another new guest writer. This time, Lori Deschene tells us how she applies Buddhist ideals to her everyday life. If you would like to do a guest article, drop me a note at brian@dailybuddhism.com with your topic idea, and I’ll contact you with a few easy requirements.

Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene

Kindness in Daily Living

At my big, fat Italian Christmas gathering two family members got in a fight that ended with screams and tears. Though it doesn’t happen often nowadays, I grew up around similar chaos. Oftentimes I drowned it out, but sometimes I fueled it, and other times I caused it. Then I discovered a few Buddhist principles that changed the way I acted and reacted. I learned to offer compassion instead of judgment;to diffuse hostility with understanding and kindness. When I saw how profoundly that affected my state of mind and everyone around me, I decided to practice and get better at it.

That, I believe, is the core of Buddhism: clearing your mind of fears, selfishness, and anger so love can work its magic. And it truly does take practice. It starts with meditation or yoga. They’re like mental maintenance; you stop your persistent internal monologue and find a sense of stillness. From that place of just being;instead of seeing the world around you with a critical eye;you can respond to people with loving-kindness, also known as ‚Äúlove without attachment.‚Äù That’s selfless love. And its effects are addictive.

So how do you practice in daily life? I take it off the yoga mat in four steps:

1. Commit to at least three random acts of kindness every day. Maybe it’s something simple, like telling someone they’re great at their job. Or perhaps it requires more effort, like helping an elderly woman with bags. Of course there is no limit! Kindness is like a fire;the more you stoke it, the brighter it burns.

2. Work toward kinder thinking. Example: a friend snaps at you for something that’s not your fault. You’re human;at first you might feel annoyed and think she’s being unfair and irrational. Choose a more compassionate thought, like: She’s feeling defensive, and that must be painful. What can I do to help? Kindness in thinking leads to kindness in action.

3. Ruminate on the kind deeds and thoughts of people greater than yourself. Martin Luther King, the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa;these leaders inspired millions with their strength, humility, and kindness. We all carry the exact same potential to change lives by being better, stronger, and kinder every day. Even if you inspire just one person, you’ve tapped into your personal power.

4. Remember kindness is contagious and addictive. Many times when you act with kindness it comes back to you. When it doesn’t, you’ll still feel blessed. Positive intentions;and their ripple effect on your self esteem and state of mind;are greater than any validation you could get from someone else.

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”– Dalai Lama

Lori Deschene lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and writes for Discovery Girls Magazine. Follow her inspirations at http://twitter.com/BeMeaningful

Daily Buddhism

Why all the Chanting?

12 Comments
Email for Newsletter:

Question:

A caller phoned in a question to the Voicemail Hotline: 937-660-4949:
Can you talk about chanting? It seems that many different sects do it. Why?

Answer:

Well, you are right in that Buddhism has a lot of chanting, but that’s not really exclusive. If you think about it, just about all religions do chanting in some form. If you listen to Muslim or Christian services, you’ll often hear chanting. Whether it’s the ‚ÄúLord’s Prayer‚Äù or the ‚ÄúAdhan,‚Äù the Islamic Call to Prayer, chanting and religion go hand in hand. And yes, Buddhists do it too.

Why?

The majority of Buddhist chants are not prayers, since asking a god for intervention is not really the way of Buddhism. While we have seen in the past that prayer does exist in Buddhism, it’s not really related to chanting. Instead, most chanting is done as recitation of sutras (written works attributed to the Buddha), either to help teach the sutra or to simply keep it in mind via repetition.

Examples would be chanting the Bodhisattva vows, the three refuges, the five precepts, loving-kindness (Metta Sutta), the Heart or Diamond sutras, or the very famous nianfo of Pure Land: Namu Amida Butsu or Namo Amituofo. Sometime koans or poetry are also commonly chanted.

Generally, the purpose it to set one’s mind in a particular place for a specific ritual or meditation.

Here is a site submitted by PDXyogini that has several chants in MP3 format that you can download:
http://www.zendust.org/chantsmp3.htm

Here are some Youtube examples to enjoy:

Om Mani Padme Hum:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=633eH4yajHE

Zen Chanting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1evxMA7yYw

Buddhist Chant: The Heart Sutra:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c9-XaA2f00