A reader writes: 

I am new to Buddhism, and have recently found your website and podcasts. I am an art teacher in a public school, and am finding it hard not to share this newfound aspect of my life with my students. I know that because it is  a public school, I cannot preach or impose any religious beliefs on my students, however I find the teachings of Buddha and the lineage I’ve decided to follow very important to life situations – for example, being present in the moment. I try to say things simply, but do not want to get in trouble for passing along any religious message to students. Obviously I find my spirituality something of great importance, and cannot help but exist within my own practice.

My Response:

Ouch!

As a teacher myself, I understand your dilemma. Mentioning religious ideas in school can be the quickest and easiest way to learn what it’s like to be unemployed. Even mainstream Christian ideas often are rejected, so something as “alien” as Buddhism is sure to meet with resistance.

I ran into this myself just recently. I teach College English, and my students are all adults. I generally keep my beliefs as much to myself as my sex life; it’s just not something I want to deal with in school.  It’s not really the place.  Just a couple of days ago, a student overheard me taking a phone call from someone who wanted to interview me about the book I had just gotten published. She asked me, in class, what I had written. I had to answer, so I told the class what it was, and the looks of incredulity surprised me. “Why THAT?” “Buddhists aren’t real,” and quite a few raised eyebrows. The discussion for the next ten minutes was about  suffering, grasping, and non-attachment. A few of those “Buddhism isn’t Real” people walked away having learned something. A student caught me after class asking where to buy the book, so I must have made some impression. That being said, this is a COLLEGE environment, not a public school. There’s a big difference.

In all honesty, I think with the current educational environment, I’d just keep my mouth closed. Some closed-minded parent is likely to hear half a story from their child and accuse you of indoctrination into some unholy cult. You and I know that Buddhism is a great way of life, and someday, someone out in the real world might ask you to teach them about Buddhism On the other hand, as a public school teacher, it’s your job to follow the rules and stick to the appropriate topic, in your case, art.

Here’s a news article I just stumbled upon:

105-year-old Zen Buddhist master is accused of groping female students

You can read the article if you want, but I’ll summarize: This old master, Joshu Sasaki, has been groping and touching his female students for over 50 years, and allegedly used his position to excommunicate or ban anyone who complained away from his retreat in Mt. Baldy, California.

At this stage, let’s remember that this is all just allegations; there has not been any kind of trial. I’m not entirely even sure what the crime would be if there was one. But whether or not this was a “crime,” it was clearly inappropriate if he actually did it.

Every day, I post something on this site telling what kinds of things Buddhists do or don’t do. Keep in mind that this is all “in theory.” In reality, Buddhists are normal human being who do stupid things. None of them are perfect, and even Buddhist leaders deal with daily temptations just like the rest of us.

It seems like all too often in the news we hear about Catholic priests going after little boys or Baptist Pastors having affairs with members of their congregation, or something else of the sort. We rarely hear about Buddhists misbehaving, but I suspect that’s just because there aren’t as many Buddhist leaders in America.  A long time ago, I posted a review of Sheng Yen’s Footprints in the Snow, which detailed life in a monastery back in the early 1900’s. He discussed all kinds of scandals, affairs, and the like. It goes on today as well.

What’s my point today? Don’t look to Buddhism as the perfect solution to the world’s problems. Buddhists are people, and they do stupid things sometimes too. Grasping too hard for perfection is just one more form of grasping that we should try to do away with.

A reader writes:  

I’m having trouble finding a time to meditate every day. Meditation has been in my life for a long time, but structured meditation has been a difficult task to adhere to. Although I wish to, and feel the urge to, I am having a hard time sticking to it. Do you have any advice for this?

My Response:

I’m an English teacher, and I also want to publish more books, so I read lots of books about writing. One of the chief complaints that “wannabe” writers have is that they don’t have the time to write. I see this over and over in books about writing and from aspiring writers on Twitter as well. The old-timers and experienced writers always have the same answer for them. “A writer writes.”

A similar argument comes from those who don’t have time to exercise.

The same thing goes for meditation.

If it’s important to you, then you will find a way to fit it in. The problem is that right now, other things are more important to you. Maybe it’s work. Maybe it’s school. Maybe it’s sitting in a chair watching “Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo” on TV, I don’t know. But if you aren’t meditating, then it’s simply because something else is taking priority.

There’s nothing wrong with having some things in your life be more important than meditation. I’ll admit it; I don’t get around to it nearly as often as I should myself. The thing here is to take responsibility for your own lack of meditating. Don’t blame your calendar or the clock. If it’s important enough to you, you will make time for it, the way you make time for other things right now.

Maybe subconsciously you’re avoiding meditation for some reason. Maybe you simply don’t manage your time well. Get organized. See what other time-consuming thing you could cut back on or drop entirely. Maybe you really are that busy, and meditation won’t fit. That happens sometimes, but most of the time, this situation is easily fixed.

Just do it.

(And no, I just couldn’t resist that title. If you’ve watched Youtube recently, you know why.)

A reader writes:

I am from Kentucky and was raised in a very strong Christian home. Within the past couple of years I have rejected Christianity and my parents and family are none too happy to say the least. I am the black sheep. Not only am I gay but an atheist who has been looking to Buddhism as a way to deal with the stress of my family. So my question is this. I have a cousin who is very judgmental of everyone. She is one of those Christians who knows she is always right and it’s her duty to tell the rest of the world how wrong we all are. She preaches harshly towards me about going to Hell and how wrong I am for being gay. Funny thing is, she has many skeletons in her own closet she wouldn’t want anyone to know about. I can honestly say, I don’t like her.

How do I deal with these feelings? I know we will see each other many times at family functions but, I want to be able to talk to her with out my very strong negative feelings for her getting in the way. Any insight would be helpful. And please keep in mind, I really don’t like her. 🙂 also, when are you going to start more podcasts? I have not heard all of them yet so you may have answered this and I just not gotten there yet.

Thanks again! Your show has been the best help for me in searching and learning the Buddhist way so far. I have much respect for you!

My Response:

First of all, accept that you can’t change her. I know how it is when you want to prove someone else’s beliefs are wrong. You use logic and common sense, and facts and science; the other person may defend their beliefs for a little while, but eventually just reverts to “Well, that’s what I believe anyway, it’s all just faith.” You cannot win this argument at a family gathering. It just isn’t going to happen, especially in a discussion with a woman who has zero respect for your thoughts, wishes, and choices. You are wrong in her eyes, and nothing short of time and exposure to you can change that.

As far as her being a hypocrite with her own skeletons, I assume you aren’t the only one in the family who realizes this. It’s been said that you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. Sometimes we get stuck with someone we’d rather not have to deal with; you don’t get that choice either. One of your big consolations is knowing that everyone else knows she’s a hypocrite, even if they aren’t her target or victim.

None of the above is especially Buddhist, and I’m sure anyone could have told you that. If you don’t like her as much as you say, it would probably just be to everyone’s benefit to avoid her, but that’s not always going to be possible with family gatherings and the like.

Probably the worst problem I see here is that you are holding onto this anger and hate. That’s not good. Rather than dwell on this hateful woman’s words and attacks, just drop it. Give it no more thought than last Tuesday’s weather. A Buddhist wouldn’t attach any importance to her words. You realize her words are only words, and they are impermanent. Let them go right through you or make them slide off. Is she going to change anyone’s mind with her ranting, either yours or someone in your family? Probably not. Most of all, don’t extend the argument or fight back.

She is as impermanent as you are; don’t dwell on the argument; there are some things you cannot change.

At least that’s my opinion. Others, feel free to chime in on this in the comment section below.