Category Archives: Daily Buddhism

Daily Buddhism

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

1 Comment

A reader write in and asked:

First of all, I’d like to thank you for the wisdom and honesty you show your listeners with answering all these questions and giving insight into the fundamentals of Buddhism. I am relatively new to Buddhism, mediation (and yoga), so you podcasts and articles are very welcome indeed. With the growing audience you probably have received a question like mine before, but I’ll give a try nevertheless.

Right now I am going through a difficult time as a result of the breakup of my relationship. You can say that by attaching too much to my loved one, I face a lot of suffering now that the relationship is over. I am wondering how to find a good way to love someone with all your heart and soul (girlfriend and stepchild in my case) but not to get too much attached. I know that Buddhism won’t tell you not to love anyone but have you or other people thoughts to help me with this dilemma?

My Response:

You say you are suffering, and that’s always bad, but it’s normal and to be expected during a time of loss, even for a Buddhist.

You are absolutely right that there is a little bit of a conflict there. You aren’t supposed to get too attached to people or things, yet you are allowed (strongly encouraged even) to love others. Buddhists believe that the problem is not the attachment to others in itself, the problem is grasping too hard to hold on to these things, and suffering over the fear that you will lose them.

Death, divorce, breakups, or even just growing apart, happen to couples all the time. Sooner or later all relationships come to an end, and most of those endings will be painful to some extent. What can you do? Expect it. Plan for it. Don’t become attached to the idea that you can control it or stop it; you can’t. Sometimes you can hold back a breakup or keep the relationship going with effort, but even then, sooner or later, you will be parted. Know this, and when the time comes, accept it. After the separation comes, don’t dwell on it or become attached to the way things used to be. Look to the future; look to new relationships.

 

 

Daily Buddhism, Koans

Koan: The Stingy Artist

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Koan: The Stingy Artist

Gessen was an artist monk. Before he would start a drawing or painting he always insisted upon being paid in advance, and his fees were high. He was known as the “Stingy Artist.”

A geisha once gave him a commission for a painting. “How much can you pay?” inquired Gessen.

“Whatever you charge,” replied the girl, “but I want you to do the work in front of me.”

So on a certain day Gessen was called by the geisha. She was holding a feast for her patron.

Gessen with fine brush work did the painting. When it was completed he asked the highest sum of his time.

He received his pay. Then the geisha turned to her patron, saying: “All this artist wants is money. His paintings are fine but his mind is dirty; money has caused it to become muddy. Drawn by such a filthy mind, his work is not fit to exhibit. It is just about good enough for one of my petticoats.”

Removing her skirt, she then asked Gessen to do another picture on the back of her petticoat.

“How much will you pay?” asked Gessen.

“Oh, any amount,” answered the girl.

Gessen named a fancy price, painted the picture in the manner requested, and went away.

It was learned later that Gessen had these reasons for desiring money:

A ravaging famine often visited his province. The rich would not help the poor, so Gessen had a secret warehouse, unknown to anyone, which he kept filled with grain, prepared for those emergencies.

From his village to the National Shrine the road was in very poor condition and many travellers suffered while traversing it. He desired to build a better road.

His teacher had passed away without realizing his wish to build a temple, and Gessen wished to complete this temple for him.

After Gessen had accomplished his three wishes he threw away his brushes and artist’s materials and, retiring to the mountains, never painted again.

Daily Buddhism

Poetic Impermanence

9 Comments

Just a short post for today, but just a few words can hold a deep meaning. This is a short poem attributed to Li Bai, an 8th century Chinese poet, and expresses the Buddhist idea of impermanence perfectly. Just a reminder, zazen is a form of meditation where one just sits silently.

“Zazen on Ching-t’ing Mountain”:

The birds have vanished down the sky.
Now the last cloud drains away.
We sit together, the mountain and me,
until only the mountain remains.

Daily Buddhism, Meditation

Help With Mindfulness and Meditation

13 Comments

Question:

Can you share some tips for being mindful for new practitioners? Also, do you have any tips for being motivated to meditate for new practitioners? I read the post about being mindful at work the other day and this is something I would LIKE to do but it is a daunting task because my job involves being responsible for up to 160 rowdy teenagers. I also wear a lot of hats at my job so my mind is always bouncing around and it is hard to meditate, I don’t think I have yet managed to do it. I was thinking some sort of item, or items, around the house or on my person might serve as reminders to do both of these things. I saw a Buddha candle holder the other day that made me think of this and I was also considering a small pendant or bracelet. However, I tend to side with you on the issue of idolatry and shrines, etc. Your perspectives on these issues are most appreciated.

Answer:

As you mentioned, we have discussed idols and shrines in the past. I believe that they aren’t necessary and tend to cause unnecessary attachment. That being said, the main point of having a statue or shrine is that they DO help with mindfulness. If you have a Buddha statue where you see him often, that will help with mindfulness, at least in theory; you can probably learn to tune him out if you ignore him too much. Other forms of Buddhist artwork and objects will have a similar benefit. You don’t need these objects for religious reasons, but they certainly won’t hurt in building your mindfulness. “Out of sight, out of mind” works in the opposite direction too.

I have only one tip to help new practitioners to meditate more often, and it’s a bit obvious. Set a specific time and do it every day. Force yourself to do it if you have to, but get in the habit of doing it regularly, just like any other physical exercise. Once it becomes a regular habit, you can start getting flexible with your timing, but you have to get to the place where you want to do it and look forward to it. It’s not meant to be unpleasant or something you put off or with which you procrastinate.

Everyone has their own ideas about what is or isn’t a good tip for mindfulness. I turned the question loose on Twitter and got the following responses:

@sacredmusick Take one minute every hour to sit and breathe. It will have amazing effects on overall focus and mindfulness.

@izablessing Hi Brian, I actually did a workshop with the Healing From the Core foundation. It was entitled Developing Therapeutic Presence! Excellent!

@cacwgirl Listen to the office staff!

@pamdodd Work tip: If busy, tell interrupters you’ll get back to them and set a time.

@Annie_Fox To be more mindful at work (or anywhere) begin 2 notice when UR annoyance levels kick in, then… http://bit.ly/gvkXi

@BruceDinwiddie Tips for mindfulness at work? Give up multi-tasking and focus on single tasks intently.


Daily Buddhism

Aging and Suffering

9 Comments

Question:

Brian, I was asked to join Facebook by a friend. I really did not want to do it but I did. I now wish I never had. I have found lost friends but at a huge price. The first was a big strapping Marine who was one of the first kick boxers in the USA. He is now relegated to a wheel chair with Parkinson disease. The second was my sparring partner. He now has Lou Gehrig’s disease. The third was one of my martial arts instructors who now has cancer. The fourth is our main instructor who has grown old and feeble.

I understand impermanence and I understand attachment. But this just plain scares the hell out of me. As a Buddhist I know what I am supposed to think, but in reality it is not working.

Answer:

We all age and we all die, and most importantly, we all know it’s coming. But when we are confronted with too much of it all at once, as you were, it really leaves an impact.

Everything in life changes. Everything. The bit of poetry last week by Li Bai exemplified the concept. In the comment section below that post, a reader mentioned that given enough time, even the mountain itself would be gone, and that’s an excellent point. If even the mountains wear down and “die” (ask any geologist, they really do), then why should even the strongest of humanity, such as your kick-boxer friend, be any different?

Buddha himself said that change leads to suffering, and in the case of your friends, that’s clearly true. Of course, as you say, you already know all of this. It’s applying these ideas to your life that is the hard part.

The only words of advice that I have that might help is to repeat again that all things do change; the same thing that terrifies you and causes your suffering right now can also be the solution to the problem. Your friends’ suffering is temporary as well. Yes, I mean death. In your case, your friends aren’t suddenly dying, they are suffering lingering, debilitating diseases; the worst of the worst. Most people don’t really fear death itself, but I think most of us fear a long, drawn-out process of dying. Even giving up your own attachments would not mean giving up compassion for those suffering.

None of us, not even Buddha himself, really knows what comes after death. Yet if you think about it, one thing we do know is that the suffering resulting from aging will stop. The survivors, such as yourself, will move on and continue with life for as long as it lasts, while your friends will move on to whatever comes after, if anything. Does this solve your problem? No, of course not. There is no solution. But keeping all this in mind may help a bit, and that’s all we can do.

Daily Buddhism

Ambition

11 Comments

Question:

How do I let go of the constant striving for a higher paying job with more power and a title? The whole idea of making more money in order to buy more things is a way of thinking that is hard to break free from. I am a fifth grade teacher and I love teaching. I am happiest when I am in the classroom. I recently finished a degree in leadership that would make me qualified to become a principal. I did not do this out of desire for the job but rather as a way to compete with other teachers that talked about wanting to be a principal. It was also a convenient way to attract attention to myself. I did not enjoy one moment of the degree or the internship hours. Yet even though I am aware of all of this I feel a sense of duty to continue to seek that powerful, higher paying job. This whole situation is causing a great deal of stress that I cannot seem to meditate myself out of.

Answer:

I can relate. I’ll probably run into the same thing myself within a few years, maybe sooner. I’ve always been far too competitive.

You state several things that might be the cause of this, but I think you should be able to narrow it down to just one. It’s important to think on this and see if you can narrow down your reasons for this behavior. Are you simply competitive? Are you greedy, wanting more and more money (teaching probably isn’t the best career for you if that’s the case)? Or are you doing this out of a need for self-promotion, attracting attention to yourself?

None of these ideas make you either unique or a bad person; we’re all raised with the idea of becoming a wealthy, successful person in a position of power. It’s not that hard to do it if you apply yourself and work hard. The problem comes when you get to that place by doing something you don’t enjoy doing, or cause yourself suffering by grasping too hard for more and more.

Buddhists can have ambitions. Buddhists need money too. Buddhists like recognition as much as the next guy. The problem arises when these things become goals, not tools.

You need to think/meditate on this and figure out why you are doing it. If you love the classroom, you’ll probably be miserable in an administrative position. It’s a whole different world. If you can find a good reason to become a Principal, then go for it. If you simply do it because of ambition, greed, or a need for attention, you are going to resent giving up the job you love.

Your instincts already tell you that there’s something wrong with your desire for this promotion. You already know that it’s not going to be what you want. You just need to figure out what the root cause is and work on that problem before your ambition or greed drives you to something you don’t like.

Daily Buddhism

12 Steps, Higher Powers, and Buddhism

26 Comments

Question:

I appreciate all the hard work that you spend in spiritually enriching the lives of myself and, I’m sure, countless others. It is a matter of life and death for me, as I am on a path of recovery from addiction. I am unable to embrace a “higher power” via the christian concept because of issues in the past, having felt that god was not there for me during a most dire time of need; so an alternative is a serious need for me..

This is turning into a different communication than I had intended, but regarding recovery in the 12 steps, where your “higher power” takes an active role in your life, for example:

  • “restoring us to sanity”
  • “turning or will and lives over to the care of god as we understand him.”
  • “admitting our character defects to him and asking him to remove them”
  • (we)Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Does Buddhism have the notion of a higher power that personally intervenes in ones life, or lend guidance on a personal level, one that will actively be on the receiving end of “turning your will and lives over and guide us? Is there a god one can achieve “conscious contact” with or indeed even has a “will” for our lives and can bestow “power to carry it out”? If these concepts do not apply, What might be a counterpart in Buddhism. How might one apply such concepts within the framework of Buddhism?

Or, more broadly how may Buddhism assist one in achieving the same goals, and aid in recovery within or even totally removed from the 12-step concept?

Answer:

We covered this topic once before in a guest post, which I will link to here: “Buddhism and the 12-Step Process” I would definitely suggest reading that before continuing.

Although there are groups of Buddhists who have something that could be called a “higher power,” most do not. Buddhism, more than any other “religion” emphasizes personal responsibility. You got yourself into this trouble, and you are the only one that can get you out. Regarding the quotes in your question, I’d say there is nothing there that couldn’t be dealt with in Buddhism.

“Restoring us to sanity” That’s pretty much why we’re all Buddhists in the first place, isn’t it?

“Admitting our character defects and asking him to remove them” Meditation and reflection is all about learning about ourselves and seeking to change things that need changing. The only difference is that you must take on the responsibility of change yourself, which if you are coming from the “there is no higher power” point of view, you realize already.

“Praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out” Again, this is meditation and reflection upon our own Enlightenment.

“turning or will and lives over to the care of god as we understand him.” This is the big one. If you want to follow the steps perfectly, then you need to substitute something for God. For Buddhists, this could be your own inner self, the universe as a whole, nothingness, or even the concept of Buddha himself as a wise teacher. And yet the wording of that line is problematic: the whole point of Buddhism is to gain control over your will and life, not to give it to some abstraction. You need to work this one out for yourself.

I read many other social media sites, including Digg and Reddit, both of which have a very vocal group of Atheists. Every time the topic of Alcoholics Anonymous or another group that uses the 12-step program comes up, they are attacked for being “religious indoctrination centers” or something equally hostile. It’s not just the Buddhists who have trouble with the whole idea of higher powers. More and more, people are scrutinizing the 12-step approach and picking it apart. Yet for millions of people it has worked. It’s just a matter of adapting yourself and adapting the program to fit YOUR needs.

Previous article http://www.dailybuddhism.com/archives/890

Daily Buddhism

Ignorance and Arguments

6 Comments

This was a comment left on the blog in response to my post yesterday, titled “Trouble in Texas.” The original question that I responded to yesterday was, “Due to the ignorance of others here in Texas, I get no leverage and I try to remain peaceful, but its very hard, I get frustrated. What should I do to ignore these conservatives and reach Enlightenment?”

And as my response, I pointed to a previous article about Dealing with Hatred.

Comment:

I am a little disappointed in your answer for two reasons; 1: the author did not ask about how to deal with hatred, he asked how to deal with the ignorance of others. 2; I really wanted your opinion on the subject because I have wanted to ask the very same question MANY times as I have struggled with the same subject many times.

Other than that keep up the good work, I find that your writing stimulates the thoughts of others, and that cannot be a bad thing.

Response:

First, let me point out that if you wanted to ask the question many times, then you should have asked sooner! I love to answer questions, they give me something to write about. So by asking questions, you’re doing me a favor as much as you are helping yourself by asking. Don’t hesitate or fear to email me! I’m always eager to tackle any topic.

Now, on to your real comment. I feel that ignorance and hatred are heavily intertwined. Generally, we fear or hate things we don’t fully understand, and we don’t try to understand things that we instinctively hate. It’s a major catch-22, and we have to try to handle those subjects carefully.

In theory, if you are simply running into plain ignorance, then all you have to do is explain yourself to the person in question and they won’t be ignorant any more. It’s rarely that simple, since there is either fear or hate involved. Fear and hate are powerful barriers to an open mind. Still, simple explanations are probably the best place to get started if you really want to beat ignorance and teach others.

One way to co-exist with those who are judgmental is to simply not give them anything to judge you with; become a model of good Buddhist behavior, live the life and be a real role-model. Personally, I don’t walk around town advertising the fact that I’m a Buddhist; there are only a handful of non-Internet friends and family that even know I am one. I see no need to tell everyone what I believe, as there are always some people who are going to judge me in a negative way. Yes, that’s due to ignorance on their part, but I know that I cannot educate everyone, especially those who have already made up their minds. I’m perfectly happy being the best Buddhist I can be in my actions and words, and every once in a while when the topic comes up with a friend or colleague, it’s the perfect opportunity to explain things to them. By demonstrating in my day-to-day actions that Buddhists aren’t “Heathen Idolators” (or whatever some people want to call us out of ignorance) people are much more open to my opinions when it does eventually come up.

I’m talking about Buddhism, but the same goes for the original questioner’s opinions on gay marriage, abortions, philosophy, and Communism. Both sides of each of the topics he mentions have strong arguments that make perfect sense to the people who advocate them; neither side is clearly wrong or blatantly stupid, although at times the opposition probably feels otherwise.

People in California are generally speaking more liberal-minded than those in Texas; that doesn’t make either group right or wrong. Still, if the writer is walking around Texas in a Che Guevera t-shirt carrying his Marx book and holding his boyfriend’s hand at the Pro-Choice rally, he’s going to find a lot of people unwilling to accept, or even listen to, his ideas. The writer didn’t say he was doing those things, but he definitely seems to have an issue with Conservatives, so I get the impression that the hostility may be mutual. I don’t intend to attack anyone, but sometimes the people who yell the loudest about others ignorance are the ones trying hardest to shove their own ideas down someone else’s throat. If this is the case, then he needs to examine why it is so important to him to change the minds of others and let that go.

I’ve always found that a little diplomacy goes a long way, and simply keeping my mouth shut in some situations goes even farther. If you go out looking for a fight, it’s usually pretty easy to find one.

Daily Buddhism, Koans

Koan: How Grass and Trees Become Enlightened

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Koan: How Grass & Trees Become Enlightened

During the Kamakura period, Shinkan studied Tendai six years and then studied Zen seven years; then he went to China and contemplated Zen for thirteen years more.

When he returned to Japan many desired to interview him and asked obscure questions. But when Shinkan received visitors, which was infrequently, he seldom answered their questions.

One day a fifty-year-old student of enlightenment said to Shinkan: “I have studied the Tendai school of thought since I was a little boy, but one thing in it I cannot understand. Tendai claims that even the grass and trees will become enlightened. To me this seems very strange.”

“Of what use is it to discuss how grass and trees become enlightened?” asked Shinkan. “The question is how you yourself can become so. Did you ever consider that?”

“I never thought of it in that way,” marveled the old man.

“Then go home and think it over,” finished Shinkan.

Daily Buddhism

Rebirth Revisited

13 Comments

Question:

I know that Buddhist belief is based greatly on experiencing teachings for yourself, and not taking what anyone says (even the Buddha himself) as truth without first examining it ourselves. However, I am confused as to where the belief in rebirth and karma comes from in Buddhism. I agree with this Buddhist belief that we should not blindly follow anything anyone says, and must figure things out for ourselves and experience them, but the belief in reincarnation seems to go against this. How can we possibly know that rebirth occurs if we cannot see it for ourselves? Thanks for the wonderful podcast.

Answer:

We’ve talked about this in the past (several times), but I think this may be the number one point of Buddhism to which Westerners cannot relate. Most non-Buddhists recognize reincarnation as the butt of uncountable jokes, scams, and is generally taken seriously only by some very strange celebrities. The fact that a huge portion of the world’s population do believe in rebirth is irrelevant if all you know are Shirley Maclaine jokes.

No one really knows the origins of the rebirth idea, it goes way back beyond Buddhism, into Hinduism, and is likely far older than that. I’m only guessing here, but I’d bet that the idea of rebirth is probably older than the concepts of heaven or hell; ancient people understood the cycle of life very well. You are born, you age, you die; it’s no great leap to see that cycle as a wheel that repeats. The idea is so old, however, that no one can say absolutely where it came from, but the idea has been refined and elaborated over the years, first by Hinduism, then by Buddhism.

As you said, it’s not a requirement that you believe anything blindly, and Buddhism encourages questioning. While it is true, that many of the writings on Buddhism concern themselves with reincarnation, it’s not really absolutely necessary to believe in it. The majority of Buddhist ideas relate to your life here on Earth, right now. “Promotion” or “demotion” in the next life is not something to be strived for (more attachment and grasping); the goal is to live a good life now. Whatever happens next time around, just happens. If the Buddhist concept of rebirth is correct, it will happen to you whether you believe in it or not, so don’t worry about it. If it causes you doubt and “suffering,” then throw it out.

Keep an open mind, do some research into different ways people explain rebirth, and maybe someday you will come to believe it. Or maybe not.

Here are links to two previous articles on the topic. Be sure to read the comments below each.

Reincarnation, God, and Things You Don’t Believe: http://www.dailybuddhism.com/archives/1323

Rebirth and Karma: http://www.dailybuddhism.com/archives/1182