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Daily Buddhism

Kindness in Daily Living

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As with last week, we have another new guest writer. This time, Lori Deschene tells us how she applies Buddhist ideals to her everyday life. If you would like to do a guest article, drop me a note at brian@dailybuddhism.com with your topic idea, and I’ll contact you with a few easy requirements.

Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene

Kindness in Daily Living

At my big, fat Italian Christmas gathering two family members got in a fight that ended with screams and tears. Though it doesn’t happen often nowadays, I grew up around similar chaos. Oftentimes I drowned it out, but sometimes I fueled it, and other times I caused it. Then I discovered a few Buddhist principles that changed the way I acted and reacted. I learned to offer compassion instead of judgment;to diffuse hostility with understanding and kindness. When I saw how profoundly that affected my state of mind and everyone around me, I decided to practice and get better at it.

That, I believe, is the core of Buddhism: clearing your mind of fears, selfishness, and anger so love can work its magic. And it truly does take practice. It starts with meditation or yoga. They’re like mental maintenance; you stop your persistent internal monologue and find a sense of stillness. From that place of just being;instead of seeing the world around you with a critical eye;you can respond to people with loving-kindness, also known as ‚Äúlove without attachment.‚Äù That’s selfless love. And its effects are addictive.

So how do you practice in daily life? I take it off the yoga mat in four steps:

1. Commit to at least three random acts of kindness every day. Maybe it’s something simple, like telling someone they’re great at their job. Or perhaps it requires more effort, like helping an elderly woman with bags. Of course there is no limit! Kindness is like a fire;the more you stoke it, the brighter it burns.

2. Work toward kinder thinking. Example: a friend snaps at you for something that’s not your fault. You’re human;at first you might feel annoyed and think she’s being unfair and irrational. Choose a more compassionate thought, like: She’s feeling defensive, and that must be painful. What can I do to help? Kindness in thinking leads to kindness in action.

3. Ruminate on the kind deeds and thoughts of people greater than yourself. Martin Luther King, the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa;these leaders inspired millions with their strength, humility, and kindness. We all carry the exact same potential to change lives by being better, stronger, and kinder every day. Even if you inspire just one person, you’ve tapped into your personal power.

4. Remember kindness is contagious and addictive. Many times when you act with kindness it comes back to you. When it doesn’t, you’ll still feel blessed. Positive intentions;and their ripple effect on your self esteem and state of mind;are greater than any validation you could get from someone else.

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”– Dalai Lama

Lori Deschene lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and writes for Discovery Girls Magazine. Follow her inspirations at http://twitter.com/BeMeaningful

Daily Buddhism, Meditation, Reviews

Book: The Gift of Loving Kindness

Book: The Gift of Loving Kindness
by Mary Brantley and Tesilya Hanauer
Review by Brian Schell, http://www.dailybuddhism.com
New Harbinger Publications, 286 Pages, ISBN: 1-57224-562-X
Purchase Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/157224562X/?tag=askdrarca-20

I’ve mentioned loving kindness meditation here on the Daily Buddhism quit often in my postings the past few weeks, and it may still not be clear what it’s all about. This book makes it clear as glass. The book is small (6‚Äùx6‚Äù), and as the title itself suggests, would make an excellent gift for someone interested in taking up a simple form of meditation for perhaps the first time. Although the introduction and explanatory pages mention Buddha a few times, the book is not religious and could be enjoyed by anyone of any faith.

The introductory section explains why the authors wrote the book, how to use the book, and basic instructions for both formal and informal loving kindness meditations. This takes around 44 pages, and is an interesting, fast read. The instructions on the formal meditation are clearly presented, and easy to follow and practice.

The book centers heavily on the ideas of generosity, forgiveness, and compassion. Towards others, of course, but starting with directing those concepts towards yourself. The book explains early on that it’s hard to direct loving kindness outwards towards others if your mind is filled with blame or self-hate. Therefore, the book focuses on directing loving kindness (generosity, compassion, and forgiveness) towards yourself first, and then expanding that mindfulness outward towards others.

The rest of the book is broken into four parts, consisting of exercises that expand or modify these basic instructions in simple, yet useful ways. Part one of the book consists of meditations of loving-kindness towards yourself, part two is about loving-kindness towards difficult emotions, part three covers loving-kindness towards others, and finally, part four involves loving-kindness towards the world. On the last few pages are some additional resources for further exploration.

The bulk of the pages are filled with 100 mindful practices that can be attempted in any order. Some are quite good, others are a little weak, but since you can pick and choose the ones that appeal to you, there’s plenty to work with. Each exercise is explained clearly and concisely, usually with only two or three paragraphs. Some of the ideas are a bit saccharine, but with a book on this subject, that’s nearly unavoidable.

Buddhism Level: Beginner. All Daily Buddhism readers should be able to understand all parts of this one. It has no jargon and requires no special background. It’s even fine for those who may be uncomfortable with Buddhism, yet interested in meditation.

It’s easy to do, it’s easy to understand. Send yourself a little gift of loving kindness, and you can learn to pass it on to the rest of the world.

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Order the Book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/157224562X/?tag=askdrarca-20
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Daily Buddhism, Reviews

Book: The Kindness Handbook a Practical Companion

Book: The Kindness Handbook a Practical Companion

By Sharon Salzberg
Reviewed by Brian Schell
Publisher: Sounds True, 175 Pages, ISBN 9781591796558
Buy from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1591796555/?tag=askdrarca-20

“For kindness to be more fully realized, it needs to be distinguished from being ineffectual or meek. It also needs to be infused with wisdom, supported by courage, and threaded with balance” — Sharon Salzberg

This is another relatively small book, with many small sections. Although the books has chapters on “The Foundation,” “The Entry” (Kindness towards ourselves), “The Expression” (kindness toward others), and “Closing,” There are dozens of small stories, verses, anecdotes, and short scriptural passages. One section is a self-quiz to measure yourself on the “self-compassion scale.” Like other books we have looked at this, one focuses on loving-kindness, but this one barely touches on meditation. It concerns the application of loving-kindness in everyday life.

The stories are wonderful; my favorite was one about an illegal immigrant, crossing into this country, who happened across a boy who, along with his mother, had just been in an auto accident. The mother had died in the crash, and the 9-year-old boy was alone out in the wild. The illegal immigrant stayed with the boy, comforting him, until help arrived the next morning. The man knew that by staying, he would be caught and deported, but stayed anyway, because the little stranger needed him. How many hopes and dreams would we be willing to give up to comfort a child?

This is not one of those books that you can read cover-to-cover. A small bit goes a long way, and rushing through it would be counterproductive. I would suggest sitting it on the nightstand and reading a small section every night; this would take about a month and give you something to dwell on before sleep. Perhaps a quick re-read the next morning would make an excellent way to start the day.

This book has little to no Buddhist theory or history, but that’s OK. Learning the facts and ideas are useful in understanding the philosophy of Buddhism, but this book is really what it’s all about. The sub-title of the book, ‚ÄúA Practical Companion,‚Äù says it all. This simple, down-to-Earth book is all about the practical, proper, and realistic way to treat ourselves and each other.