A Reader Wrote:

Hello Brian,  I am married to a wonderful lady and it really bothers me to see her suffering over small things that I once suffered from.

Just this morning, we bounced a check and it was like we were going to be on skid row.

I try to share certain things with her without trying to cram it down her throat. I recall reading…”When the student is ready the teacher will arrive.”  Also, I know that I’m not alone when it comes to wanting to share the  methods that helped relieve some of my suffering. Sometimes I wonder (darn thinking!  LOL) what it would be like if she sought the same types of things and understood that there is a way to enjoy our time here.

Acceptance, patience, being still and quiet are the things that seem to help me for now. If I’m missing something, or you have a tip for me, I would appreciate it.

My Response:

You quoted, “When the student is ready the teacher will arrive,” which is true.

Someone else who wasn’t Buddha, once said, “You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.”

The problem with the situation you are describing is that the student isn’t ready. You say acceptance, patience, and being still have helped you. They’ve certainly helped me over the years as well. Some people, on the other hand, are just less passive, always feeling the need to “act.” I’m not saying there’s anything intrinsically wrong with that. I believe the psychologists when they say there are “Type A” and “Type B” personalities. Type B’s are much more passive, calm, and predisposed towards the quieter ideals of Buddhism.  Type A people can do Buddhism too, of course, but it might be a little more difficult if they aren’t naturally drawn to it.

Next time you see she’s depressed, or in some state that you think you can help, simply ask her if she wants to know how you would deal with it. Explain it to her clearly and rationally. She’ll either show interest, or she won’t. As you said, short of shoving it down her throat, there’s not much else you ca do but gently bring it up once in a while.

Perhaps there will be some additional suggestions in the comment section below.

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