Tag Archives: workplace

Daily Buddhism, Ethics

Back Off, Move On, Get Over It, Or Fight Back?

A Reader Writes:

My wife has been poorly treated at work and bullied out of her Job. The company is not interested in what has happened, only keeping it all quiet as they are 60% funded by the Government. I feel that we should fight this even though the emotional cost and financial cost could be significant. Are we weak for not fighting? Are we letting others down who will experience the same from these people?

My Response:

It’s hard for me to answer specifically without knowing the details as to how bad the abuse was, and what kind of abuse it was. I assume that since you’re asking me, you want a response from the Buddhist perspective. Well, here goes. There are three points you need to consider:

1) Wife’s Ongoing Suffering?

Clearly there was abuse and your wife suffered. Is she over it? Is it done? Or has it done some kind of permanent damage to her? Be honest- is she really still suffering? Sometimes people “suffer” just for the benefit of a lawsuit, and that’s just wrong. If not, it might be time to just “get over it” and move on.

2) Suffering Caused by Fighting Back

You mention emotional and financial costs. Are these going to cause you additional suffering? I assume so. The question here is are you suffering more by fighting than if you do nothing?

3) Eliminating Suffering of Others

Sometimes, fighting back is the right thing. If you feel that this is going to be a serious issue for others, and that genuine ongoing harm is being done, then you have a certain duty to stand up and try to eliminate the problem.

Again, I don’t know the specifics enough to recommend anything, but these are three things that must be considered. I don’t envy you this kind of choice. Sometimes standing up for what’s right is very difficult, but it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes the fight is only going to extend the suffering.

The question to be asking yourself is, -is- this the right thing to do in this case?

 

Daily Buddhism

Working with a Bad Boss

4 Comments

A reader writes:

My question is how do I learn to be compassionate for someone who isn’t doing the same for me?

I experienced what I can only describe as bullying from my former boss in my  last work place and had to leave. I tried to show loving kindness to my previous boss and calmly stood my ground but nothing changed.  I  left and took a fixed term contract just to get out of the situation and now my contract is nearly up. As a result I need a reference but my former boss has refused to do more than acknowledge I worked there. Although we had our differences I feel that I did a lot of good in my job and I believe this is an unfair response on his part. I can of course ask someone else for a reference and his actions will not prevent me from getting another job but I feel that his actions are unfair and I have felt at various points like I should get angry or comfort him about his actions even though I know all of this is futile. I realize of course that the only thing I can change is my perception.

Can you or your readers advise some meditation practice or teaching that might help me get past this?

My response:

Some bosses are wonderful people, while others have “issues.” There’s nothing you can do about it. If this was some simple misunderstanding, you could talk to him and work it out, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. He simply doesn’t like you. Probably in his eyes, you have done something wrong. Whether you agree on this point or not is irrelevant.

Buddha once said, “The more you wrestle with a turd, the more it stinks.” OK, that wasn’t really Buddha, it was my grandma. Still, it’s good advice. He’s got some kind of grudge against you, and has held that grudge for more than a year. It’s not going away. It’s time to move on from that situation. Get your reference from someone else in the company, get one from your temporary position, and focus on getting a new job rather than convincing this guy to like you.

You are right when you say you can only change your own perception. It sounds like the one not letting go here is you. Why are you so attached to having this person approve of you? If you actually did something wrong, then you need to accept it and deal with the consequences. If you didn’t then it’s his grudge, not yours. Let it go. Don’t be attached to anything, much less someone else’s opinion of you.

Check out “The Muddy Road,” a story that applies here.