Daily Buddhism

Why Do Buddhists Fall In Love?

12 Comments

It happened again; another double question:

A reader writes:

If life is suffering and we are supposed to disconnect from attachments, why fall in love or get married?

A caller phoned in a question:

Thanks for the weekly podcast. I try to lead my life considering the philosophy of Buddhism. I recently ended a relationship with a young woman, we had been together for nine months. The decision was not mutual; it was mine. I know I am causing her so much hurt. I do care about her very much, and I am feeling a lot of guilt and sadness for the heartbreak I am causing her. I am causing suffering, but I know that by staying with her I know this would be wrong also. What would be the Buddhist view on this situation?

My Answer:

loverssunThis is a huge subject, and there’s no way I can cover it adequately, even if I had unlimited space. Also, I’m probably the last person on Earth to ask about relationship advice 🙂

The first question is much easier. There is much suffering in life, but suffering is not something we desire; it’s something to try to eliminate or avoid. Love is a good, positive outlet for us, but does involve some suffering. I’m not sure this is particularly a Buddhist problem, since everyone knows going into a marriage or long-term relationship that “till death do us part” implies some serious suffering later.Buddhism is not a negative thing; go ahead and enjoy life. Just don’t be too invested in expectations.

There is no harm in enjoying the moment and loving others. The suffering comes from aggressively holding on to things that must change. As the second question shows, the suffering comes from the change (the breakup) rather than the loving relationship that precedes it.

As the second caller says in his message, staying with this woman would also be bad. I don’t know the details, so I will have to trust his judgment in deciding that leaving is better than staying. There really is no “winning” in this situation, and the choice to take the road that leads to less suffering is probably the best one. It may be better to take some short-lived, intense suffering right now than try to survive years of drawn out problems later. One could argue that it might be better to have not loved at all, which brings us right back to the first question.

Love is a natural emotion, and if you’re lucky, it just happens. Trying to avoid love causes suffering too. Accept that the suffering will eventually come, and do prepare yourself for it, but don’t try to avoid it completely. Bad things are going to happen, you need some good things to help offset them to make life worth living.

My thoughts on this one are all over the place. Maybe a reader who has been there can offer some advice below.

Daily Buddhism

Words of Advice for the New Buddhist

5 Comments

Question:

I am in the midst of a spiritual journey that has lead me to explore Buddhism.

So I would like to ask: If you could say anything to someone looking into Buddhism for the first time what would you say?

Answer:

I will now boil down all my experience with Buddhism into one pithy line that will quickly bring you enlightenment:

“Don’t argue with the one-eyed man.”

Of course, that’s a joke. If you got half the kick out of yesterday’s koan that I did, then you’re roaring with laughter right now. If you didn’t read yesterday’s post, then that makes no sense at all, and I’m going to have to look elsewhere for wisdom.

I asked some of the folks on Twitter (Yes, I spend way too much time on Twitter, but there are lots of great people there) what they would say to a new Buddhist, and I received lots of responses. I have edited some of them for grammar and spelling and posted them below. Most of them are quite a bit more serious than my answer, so hopefully one of these will resonate with you. All of them are excellent bits of advice:

@Alicat13 Don’t get confused by all the different schools, concentrate on the simple basics: the 4 Noble truths, Eightfold Path & Mindfulness.

@keithstudios What ever it is, there most be lineage to its base and not something someone pulled out of their… hat.

@hochmann I would say: “Buddhism isn’t what you think.”

@keithstudios Examine all that you read and hear – to ensure that it is the truth.

@balispiritfest Find the right teacher.

@keithstudios No one will be giving you anything and it a lot of work.

@thefleecebeast Have no fear and trust fully in everyone’s ability to help, accept everything as it appears to you and don’t worry so much.

@guruphiliac Buddhism is about discovery and uncovering an ongoing truth in us all.

@dianefischler Impermanence and clinging leads to suffering, the nature of all things is change. I guess that’s more than one, but there you go.

@omsah I would say that Buddhism is not a religion but a metaphysical practice.

@MWendyHaylett I would say Buddhism helps you to live an authentic life and enables you to see life “as it is.”

@guruphiliac You ARE the Buddha.

@mrteacup That knowing something about the history and culture of the places where Buddhism comes from is worthwhile.

@PapercutterJohn I’d say: read Thick Nhat Hanh’s “The Art of Power.” Awesome in it’s simplicity.

@Elevenser First time Buddhists: Not everything in your new mirror will be easy to look at, but some of it will be beautiful. Accept both.

@Vendettared79 The best thing is to look into your self before you start anything else.

@idtheory Don’t believe everything that you think.

@woodycrenshaw Read “Buddhism: Plain and Simple” by Steve Hagen. It will explain what you need to know. Oh, and everything is impermanent.

@yogadork You need to decide whether you will define it as a religion or a philosophy.

@Allyinspirit Slowly slowly * Be patient * Be true to yourself * Never compare your success or failure with others * Slowly slowly.

@MalindaBlue Namaste!

@emily21182 Read the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

@thefleecebeast Be natural.

@febeccaglia Find a Buddhist Center nearby, get some reading and do some research. There are different trends, as you know.

@CounterCultureP Lay down your suffering and find the path to peace.

@daj42 Simply that it’s a philosophy concerning the quality of one’s life, is inclusive, and relevant to the present.

@swamibaby Spend some time with it before you judge.

@vagabondvistas Read the book, “If the Buddha Got Stuck,” by Kasl. It is a very practical view of “Buddhism.”

@nathanpiazza Everybody hurts. Buddhism’s about experiencing life as a soul and not just as a body. All about peace and pragmatism

@mikebullock Read: “Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind,” or check out Daily Buddhism podcast 43!

@zenchoices Are you satisfied with the consistency between your innermost thoughts and your outer behavior.

@jsab0 I’d make sure to mention that Buddhism is not a philosophy or belief system. It’s a practice, and a way of being.

@jakeberglund It is not a religion, it is a practice. it is not what you believe, it is what you do.

@kosmosisrad Buddhism is the end of trying to find fulfillment from the external world.

@bgdtcoaching Check out “Meditation for Beginners” by Jack Kornfield.

@bgdtcoaching Be patient, it’s all as it is.

Daily Buddhism, Koans

Koan: Trading Dialogue for Lodging

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Provided he makes and wins an argument about Buddhism with those who live there, any wondering monk can remain in a Zen temple. If he is defeated, he has to move on.

In a temple in the northern part of Japan two brother monks were dwelling together. The elder one was learned, but the younger one was stupid and had but one eye.

A wandering monk came and asked for lodging, properly challenging them to a debate about the sublime teachings. The elder brother, tired that day from much studying, told the younger one to take his place. “Go and request the dialogue in silence,” he cautioned.

So the young monk and the stranger went to the shrine and sat down.

Shortly afterwards the traveler rose and went in to the elder brother and said: “Your young brother is a wonderful fellow. He defeated me.”

“Relate the dialogue to me,” said the elder one.

“Well,” explained the traveler, “first I held up one finger, representing Buddha, the enlightened one. So he held up two fingers, signifying Buddha and his teaching. I held up three fingers, representing Buddha, his teaching, and his followers, living the harmonious life. Then he shook his clenched fist in my face, indicating that all three come from one realization. Thus he won and so I have no right to remain here.” With this, the traveler left.

“Where is that fellow?” asked the younger one, running in to his elder brother.

“I understand you won the debate.”

“Won nothing. I’m going to beat him up.”

“Tell me the subject of the debate,” asked the elder one.

“Why, the minute he saw me he held up one finger, insulting me by insinuating that I have only one eye. Since he was a stranger I thought I would be polite to him, so I held up two fingers, congratulating him that he has two eyes. Then the impolite wretch held up three fingers, suggesting that between us we only have three eyes. So I got mad and started to punch him, but he ran out and that ended it!”

Daily Buddhism, Reviews

Beginners Buddhism Books

16 Comments

Beginner’s Books

Last week I mentioned that sometimes I get two of the same question at the same time. Well it happened again, this time regarding reading material:

Question:

Hi, I wanted to know if we are new to Buddhism what reading material would you suggest to start out. Thank you,

and also

I’ve been interested in Buddhism for quite some time and have done a bit of reading/meditation/study here and there. However, I was wondering if there are any books you can recommend on the basic foundations: the four noble truths, the eight-fold path, the five precepts. I’d really prefer something that’s easily understandable to someone new to Buddhism–something in layman’s terms, if you will.

Answer:

My first recommendation is, of course, to read and subscribe to the Daily Buddhism. I did a series from February 2nd to Feb 6th called the “Foundations of Buddhism.” Go back and find the posts and read them, or listen to Podcast episode 43, the audio version of the same material. These are free and available to you immediately, so I see no reason not to start there. You can also purchase it in printable pdf format, and here are links:

Foundations of Buddhism by Brian Schell
Podcast/ MP3 Audio Show (Free): http://www.dailybuddhism.com/archives/1156
Buy the eBook ($4.95): http://www.dailybuddhism.com/archives/1158

Beyond that, here are a few good beginner books that I recommend:

Buddhism Without Beliefs by Stephen Batchelor
Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1573226564/?tag=askdrarca-20
This is the book that “converted” me when it first came out. It explains all the basics of Buddhism without relying on mysticism and religion. I have long since given my copy away and it’s been years since I read it, but I’ll recommend it just for the impact it had on me.

Buddhist Scriptures by Edward Conze
Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0140440887/?tag=askdrarca-20
This one has excerpts from all the major “scriptures” of Buddhism and will give a good overview of what all has been written in the past 2500 years. There are lots of stories, doctrines, and so forth here, but this is not a “What is Buddhism about” kind of book. This is a good book for when you have a grasp of the basics, but don’t buy this as a first book.

Meditation for Dummies by Stephan Bodian
Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0471777749/?tag=askdrarca-20
I like this one because it’s not actually about Buddhism. It focuses on many different forms of meditation, allowing you to try various ways of meditating without “preaching” to you about which one is best for your sect of Buddhism. I think it is best to learn Buddhism and Meditation separately and then find a way to make the two mesh with each other in your own mind.

Thich Nhat Hanh: Essential Writings by Thich Nhat Hanh
Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1570753709/?tag=askdrarca-20
Thich Nhat Hanh is easily my favorite Buddhist author living today. You just have to like the guy, he’s warm, honest, gentle in the extreme, and possibly the biggest pacifist ever. Nominated by Martin Luther King Jr. for a Nobel prize, he’s written a gazillion books, and I’d recommend just about any of them. This one is a good starting point.

The Five-Minute Buddhist by Brian Schell
Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B0G1QH4/?tag=askdrarca-20
MY Book. Of course I’m going to recommend it here. It’s got all the best posts from the Daily Buddhism, as well as new material. If you like reading this web site, you should absolutely pick this one up.

I’ve also reviewed quite a few books here on the Daily Buddhism site, and I recommend most of them (I don’t like to write about the books I disliked).

Daily Buddhism

A Buddhist Diet

15 Comments

Question:

Recently new to Buddhism this year, I want to thank you for your Podcast #43 on The Foundations of Buddhism. I have a question regarding diet – If we should not intake mind-alternating beverages like caffeine and alcohol and we should refrain from eating animals and seafood that have been killed. How do you justify a plant base diet – were not plants once living and killed for our intake. Then what is a person to eat and drink? Thanking you in advance for your wisdom and guidance.

Answer:

happy_vegetablesThe prohibitions against caffeine, alcohol, and mind-altering substances are due to the harm they do to a Buddhist’s clarity of thought. we need to be present, mindful, and to avoid illusion and deception, while things that alter the mind hinder us in that ability. They make clear meditation difficult and have subtle effects on our daily lives. That’s true even with casual usage; the problems of addiction add another whole level to the problem. Some people may or may not agree with the prohibition, but I think most people understand the reasoning behind it.

Regular food, on the other hand, is more problematic. It’s not optional. We have to eat something, and for the most part, everything we eat used to be alive. The days of finding an animal that just happened to die and eating it are long gone for most of us. Almost all food animals today are raised by people for the sole purpose of being food. Clearly this is planned, and in many cases the animals suffer.

There is much debate on whether or not Buddhists should be vegetarians, and I don’t want to get into that again, because we have covered it numerous times in the past. The majority of Buddhists in the world are not vegetarians, but even if they were, vegetarian food was once alive as well.

Is killing a plant different from killing a person? According to Buddhism, yes. The main point to consider here is what makes humans and animals alike, yet different from plants? Animals have a property called sentience; animals feel pain and suffering. They are self aware, at least to some extent. As far as we can tell, plants are not self-aware and we cannot tell if they feel suffering. If plants do have some form of sentience, then they are much further down the chain than most other animals.

It’s a small point, but an important one. We have to eat something to survive, that’s just the way our world works. You can choose to be vegetarian or not, that’s up to you, but whatever you decide, just remember to be mindful that with every meal your take, someone or something died to give you that meal so that you might live another day. Thank them for giving up their life so that you might eat.

Daily Buddhism

Rebirth and Karma

12 Comments

Question:

I really enjoy your e-mails and have a question. I accept the idea of no self and it makes sense to me. I believe like the Hindus that I am an expression of the ONE, but before I was born why do I have no recollection of this? It seems that my awareness only began at the moment of entering this physical life. Please help.

Answer:

This is really the heart of the argument for or against reincarnation or rebirth. If we have been alive before, why can’t we remember it? What about the people who do claim to remember it? If we can’t remember our previous lives, does it really matter? What is the point of endless rebirths if you cannot remember it?

arctic-ocean-ripples-691944-gaFirst, Buddhism would reject those people who claim to remember their previous lives. It just doesn’t work that way in Buddhism. At best, we might have some kind of affinity or imprints that make something seem familiar to us (like the Dalai Lama, who could pick out a few objects he knew in his previous incarnation). We do not generally remember details of our personal lives.

As you mentioned in your question, Buddhists believe there is no-self anyway. If we do not have a self in the first place, and we do not carry our memories with us, then what exactly is transferred? I will give a couple of often-used analogies first:

1. A flame on a candle, used to light a second candle. The flame has transferred, is it the same flame? Yes and no.

2. All you are is a complex set of causes and effects that carry over between what we see as “lives.” Karma would be one of these causes.

The first one is a great little meditation koan, but is a fairly simplistic answer. The second is a philosophical can of worms that requires that you decide what the “self” or “no-self” is as well as what kinds of causes and effects there are. There has been a great deal written on this, and it’s pretty complicated to explain, so I’m only going to give one analogy. Maybe someone out there knows a better way to explain it, in which case watch the comment section of this post.

Here’s my best explanation of the cause and effect aspects of rebirth: Deep down we are all one, there is no real “self.” Picture an ocean, that would be all of humanity. Each little wave is a human life; none are really individuals, they are all a part of the whole. One rises up due to the effects of deep currents and tides (karmic causes). Then they sink back into the ocean. Some of those deep currents and waves create new waves, and it’s all the same water, so there are connections, but the waves are not the same. The idea of individuality and continuity are illusions.

Comments?

Daily Buddhism, Reviews

Book/CD: Sampoojanam: Reverence to the Buddha

sampoo-frontSampoojanam: Reverence to the Buddha

Buddhist Sanskrit and Pali chants presented in kirtan
by Sree Aswath and Carl Scott
Mindflow Learning Systems 25 pages, $16.95
Publisher link: http://chant-sanskrit.com

Many of the original texts of Buddhism are written in Sanskrit, so it’s not uncommon for a Buddhist to learn the language. It’s more than a little daunting getting started learning Pali or Sanskrit, but many rituals involve recitations or chanting in Pali, even in modern times. This little booklet and CD set are one way to learn one of the major rituals, the sevenfold Buddha Puja.

The booklet begins by describing how to perform the puja (worship ceremony), either alone or with a group. This section of the booklet is only two pages, but seems thorough enough to me. the next several pages are the Sanskrit version of the ritual. There is no explanation in this section about what the Sanskrit says or how to read it; this is not a “how to read Sanskrit” text. Most of the remainder of the book has the phonetic version of the spoken ritual on the left-hand page and the English translation on the right-hand page. The accompanying CD has the chants on it, and you can follow each track while reading the phonteic version in the book. Presumably one can memorize the sounds and repeat the ritual after enough repetitions.

The voices and chanting on the CD are clear and spoken slowly enough that following along in the booklet is easy. The book itself is small, but does the job. If you can read the Sanskrit, that’s good, but if not, the translation is there to help. Although the puja ritual is explained, there is no explanation on the meaning of the text, so you may want to do a little research on the sutras and chants outside the book.

My opinion is that the best use of this book and CD set is to memorize the chanting, or to perhaps get a little extra experience reading Sanskrit while listening to it being read aloud on the CD. If you want to learn to do a real puja in authentic Pali, then this might be worth picking up.

Daily Buddhism

Mindfulness and Creativity

2 Comments

Question:

I’ve got a question about mindfulness. I try hard to be fully present in the moment and DO whatever I’m doing, whether listening to a coworker or walking the dog, etc. Here’s my small problem: as a side-job, I write and perform music, and the pressure to produce new material is pretty high. To meet the demand, I spend alot of time off in ‘la la land’ for lack of a better term, working on new song ideas or lyrics and this strikes me as contrary to being present. Or is it that fully involving myself in creative thought is itself being mindful? I guess I’m confused.

Answer:

I don’t see a problem with it. As you said, it’s part of “doing the job,” so as long as you are aware that you are being “in la-la land” and doing it on purpose, then you ARE acting mindfully. Remember, with Zen, and zazen meditation in particular, one of the goals is to clear your mind and be essentially “thoughtless.” If anything, your “zoning out” might even be considered a form of meditation.

Something to think about (meditate on?) might by WHY does your creative process work like this? Knowing yourself is important; you know how to be creative, see if you can figure out why it works that way.

But don’t worry about the process. You’re aware that you are doing it, so embrace it an BE creative when it’s time to do so.

Daily Buddhism

War and Peace

16 Comments

Sometimes I get more than one question on a single topic at the same time. What better way to know what needs to be covered!

Question:

I have been practicing Buddhism for about 5 years and I feel that this is truly my path but I also have a strong desire to also serve my country in the military, specifically the Army. Now, I realize that there are areas within the various branches of the military that don’t require the taking of life or things of that nature. I also realize that regardless of my position in the Army I will be in a profession that places me a great deal closer to combat and the taking of life, either directly or indirectly. I am resolved not to take life under most circumstances but there are several scenarios that I have recently meditated upon that I can say with relative certainty, I would shoot back. I don’t believe that I could watch the deaths of my fellow soldiers and not fight to defend them. And this is my conflict.

I truly feel that I was born to protect but doing so could lead me closer to taking life, if I choice this path. I am conflicted and was wondering what might be your view on this matter. The thoughts and comments from the other listeners would be great appreciated as well.

…AND another reader asks…

I struggle with the concept of nonviolence almost daily. As a rule I agree with and understand the negativity of taking life and doing harm. I’ve really internalized this concept, and that has led to a spiritual conflict. The problem is I am in a commissioning program to be an officer in the US Army. I have been since before I became interested in Buddhism. In the foreseeable future I will be in Afghanistan or Iraq, and will likely find myself in a situation where I will have to take another life to protect those around me.

The internal argument goes like this:

A) Get out, you don’t want to take another life, it is negative and wrong. Even those who terrorize and kill deserve to live because they are deluded and ignorant. “Forgive them for they know not what they do.”

B) You have a duty to protect the lives of innocent people, even if it would do harm to yourself. Getting out for some ideal when there is real work to be done protecting people is cowardice.

Answer:

We did touch on this very topic way back in June. I strongly recommend reading the earlier post, including the comments that readers added at the bottom. Here is a link to the relevant post: http://www.dailybuddhism.com/archives/68

I have mixed thoughts on this topic. I had them back in June, and nothing has really changed.

Basically, there is no flat-out correct answer to this. Killing is wrong, but is killing always wrong? Some say that it is, and some say that it is sometimes can be justified. Usually if it’s “kill or be killed” in a one-on-one situation (a mugging for example), Buddhism would tend to lean to the “be killed” side of the equation. It’s better to give up your own life than take someone else’s, even if that someone else is a criminal. That being said, it’s sometimes considered acceptable to kill one person to save a larger group, but even then only in extreme circumstances.

The Dalai Lama has gone on record saying he is against war of any kind, and his actions when Tibet was overrun prove that he meant it; he and his followers didn’t fight back and have lived in exile for fifty years. I admit that my pessimistic, realistic side has problems with this concept. If all Buddhists refused to fight back, eventually the more aggressive groups would wipe out all the Buddhists. Pacifism in a war-torn world is not the best method for survival. In the case of the Dalai Lama, he has been homeless for fifty years, and that’s very likely not going to change; he let the “bad guys” win.

As you can probably tell, I’m not quite sure what I believe myself here. Nonviolence is to be advocated and desired, but in a realistic world, is it always possible? I honestly don’t think it can be.

Comments?

Daily Buddhism

Am I Buddhist Enough?

22 Comments

Question:

I’m wondering how much of the Buddhist mythology someone has to follow or believe in order to call themselves a “Buddhist”. For example, I don’t believe in reincarnation or nirvana. However, I think the lifestyle Buddhism promotes leads to a healthy mind, a general sense of wellbeing, and happiness. A lot of what Alan Watts has to say is especially enlightening. I follow the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold path as closely as I can, and meditate daily. Am I a Buddhist?

Answer:

First, not everyone is going to agree with what follows. It’s only my opinion, and I absolutely invite dissent and debate in the comment area.

Technically, ALL the mythology or “magical stuff” (deities, boddhisattvas, mysticism, demons, hundreds of Buddhas, etc.) can be taken with a grain of salt if you prefer. There are many very enlightening stories that use these characters, so it is worthwhile to look at them in study, but there is no need to actually believe in any of them as literal fact. If you do believe in them, that’s fine too, but I don’t think it is required to be considered a Buddhist. Do not misunderstand me, various denominations or sects of Buddhism do require certain beliefs. If you want to be a Tibetan Buddhist, there are certain things you need to accept. The same with Zen. The same with Pure Land. There are lots of ways to NOT qualify as a Tibetan practitioner for example, but you can still be called a Buddhist.

Reincarnation or rebirth is a tough pill to swallow here in the West. Karma and samsara are necessarily tied in with this idea, and it’s hard to accept or reject any of these without accepting or rejecting all three. Are these ideas necessary? The way I was taught to look at it is like this: All these stories and ideas are here to help us along the path. Some of it is cultural baggage that is not required to follow the path and reach Enlightenment. If some idea or concept causes you suffering (in the form of confusion, doubt, or conflict) then throw it out and take the rest.

Buddha said (or so we’re told!):

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

It would be hard (although still not impossible) to call yourself a Buddhist if you do not believe that the Buddha himself was real, but how much of what is attributed to him you actually believe is up for debate. I do believe that he really came up with the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path. He probably laid down the Five Precepts as well. I accept these as the bottom-line foundation of Buddhism. All that other stuff? I don’t know, and no one else can say for sure either. Did he come up with all those hundreds of rules for monks, all those Tibetan rituals, the techniques of meditation, or the ideas of Pure Land? I don’t believe that he did, although many will disagree with me. Much has been invented and attributed to Buddha in the intervening years. That doesn’t mean that information is useless or wrong, but it does “mythologize” the Buddha.

Comments?

Plain English Guide to Buddhism